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The idea of living with an experimental mindset seemed to resonate well with her, so she immediately, perhaps too zealously, dove into the deep, murky waters of uncertainty that comes with practicing new acts of leadership. Within three sessions, she was barely coming up for air. She was in violation of a key competency of survival—one must manage oneself in order to be effective.
It was a critical moment, as a coach, to recognize that I, too, was now dog-paddling with her. The more anxious she felt about her possible failures in experimentation and about the reactions others were offering, the more anxious I felt. The more she questioned if the pain of change was really worth it, the more I doubted my own fidelity to the teachings. It’s a precarious line that is easy to cross; when the client’s work drifts over into my space and I lose my ability to hold steady.
One of the fundamental aspects that dictates the success of the coaching relationship is personal boundaries. When my boundaries are strong, it welcomes a sense of safety for the client. With safety comes a space to explore and grow. Clients not only need that space, they deserve it. That space is sacred and without it, effective coaching cannot happen. Perhaps I just wanted to believe that I really cared about Carol’s success and growth. What I learned is that I have to manage myself well and hold to a purpose I deeply believe in—that some of the greatest growth happens through some of the greatest discomfort and experimentation. What a privilege to hold that space steady for my clients.
Joyce Webb, Ph.D., is a leadership development coach at the Kansas Leadership Center and WSU CCSR.
